Hobbies & Respect
Since it’s vacation, I’m indulging myself in one of my hobbies. Parenting forums. I realize it’s probably odd behavior of a seventeen year old, but I love to read parenting forums where people ask questions like “What to do with my lying 14 year old?!!” (The girl in question lied about taking a cookie from the biscuit tin).
In Dutch, there are two ways to address someone in the second person. ‘U,’ being the polite form, and ‘je’ being the more casual form. Traditionally in most regions children called their parents ‘u.’ This all changed in the 1950’s when most people with an IQ higher than that of a lawnmower discovered that, omgosh, children were people too. Since then it’s been ‘je.’ Now, on one of these forums a father wants to teach his three month old daughter to call him ‘u’ to show respect for her parents.
I read this with great amusement and horror and was honestly baffled people like this guy still exist. (Okay, not really. I’ve met my fair share of idiots in my 17 years and it takes a lot to still surprise me of mankind’s absolute stupidity.) What I’m horrified about is that (some) parents still think they deserve respect, simply for being a parent.
Eg. “I’m the father of this child, it’s about time I got some god damn respect!”
Respect isn’t something that is yours to request or demand. It’s yours to give to people you think deserve it. Even if this girl would end up calling her father ‘u,’ it would not be a sign of her respect for him. Just of what he’s making/training her to do.
The hand-made birthday card or hug after he comes home from work, those are signs of respect. Taking each other’s feelings into consideration and helping out, those are signs of respect.
In my honest opinion, the world will be a much better place when people start realizing that respect isn’t something that can be asked or demanded. It’s only something that can be given. (added bonus: It’s absolutely free)
You called it a biscuit tin!!! =D
But yeah…I think respect works both ways, and true respect can’t be demanded. I also think there’s a difference between being/behaving respectfully towards a person, and having respect for a person.
I can’t say I completely understand the different word thing, but it just seems really hypocritical for him to demand this of his 3 month-old daughter. Where’s his respect for her? I mean, I understand that she’s 3 months old, but she still deserves respect, no?! Also, a word isn’t a sign of respect for a person. It doesn’t show that you admire the person, or acknowledge them with any kind of value. Perhaps it just shows that you’re polite and considerate, which frankly says more about the person saying it.
Being a parent doesn’t give you the right to control a person. It gives you a chance to change the world, by changing people’s attitudes for the better.
Secondly, and not specifically in this case, but more in general, it seems to me like a lot of people think that age is a big factor in determining respect. You mentioned respect for parents, and “respect your elders” is another common term (here at least), yet it seems that many feel that it’s fine to label all teenagers as disrespectful yobs?! Not only is this stereotypical, but where’s their respect? Lead by example people, and have a little faith, instead of trying to force things upon others.
As a side note, force and demands almost never work, even when it’s for a good cause, just because of the methods.
Anyways, I’ve started rambling; I get very passionate about things, so I’m gonna shut up now, before I take over your blog! Haha!
Alice, xx